Green Eggs and Lembas
by daizi
Summary: A funny short little parody. Instead of Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Suess, it's LoTr Style! Not Mine!


~DiSCkLaMiEr: This whole funny little parody isn't mine.I just thought it  
was cute, and if you review make sure to give the credit 2..well the author  
of this parody!  
  
Green Eggs and Lembas  
GANDALF:  
That Samwise-Sam! That Samwise-Sam!  
I do not like that Samwise-Sam!  
FRODO:  
Would you like some bread and jam?  
GANDALF:  
I do not want your bread and jam.  
Ilm busy being mad at Sam.  
He likes to sneak. He likes to spy.  
Illl grind him up for hobbit pie!  
FRODO:  
Oh, do not grind him up for pie!  
He is a pretty handy guy.  
He mows my grass. He paints my gate.  
He is my friend. We both are straight.  
GANDALF:  
Well, then, I will not grind up Sam!  
Bring me bread, and bring me jam!  
Welll talk about another thing.  
Tell me, do you have the ring?  
FRODO:  
I have the ring. I have it here.  
But, mercy me! Oh, dear! Oh, dear!  
I fear the ring is very bad,  
The golden ring that Bilbo had!  
Tell me, will you take the ring?  
GANDALF:  
I will not take that evil thing!  
FRODO:  
Would you, could you, by the fire?  
Would you, could you, in the Shire?  
GANDALF:  
I would not, could not, by the fire.  
I would not, could not, in the Shire.  
FRODO:  
Would you, could you, in a tree?  
Would you, on the road to Bree?  
Would you, with an orc or troll?  
Would you, in a hobbit-hole?  
GANDALF:  
I would not, could not, in a tree.  
I would not, on the road to Bree.  
I would not, with an orc or troll.  
I would not, in a hobbit-hole.  
I will not take it here or there,  
I will not take it anywhere!  
For it is bad. Itls as you say.  
Youlll have to take that ring away  
And throw it in the Cracks of Doom!  
FRODO:  
Illl need a friend. But who, or whom?  
(Gandalf produces Sam, who has been spying)  
SAM:  
Oh, Master! Master! Sam is here!  
Helll wash me down with beer, I fear!  
I do not wish to be a pie!  
GANDALF:  
I will not eat you, little spy!  
But I will send you far away.  
You both will go away today.  
Youlll go to Bree. A man is there.  
The man looks foul. The man feels fair.  
Helll lead you both, if all goes well,  
To meet the elves in Rivendell.  
SAM:  
Oh, Master! We will meet the elves!  
Welll get to meet the elves ourselves  
And hear them sing their elven songs!  
Welll hear them bong their elven-gongs  
And strum their elven loola-lutes!  
Theylll hoot their elven hooty-toots!  
GANDALF:  
I hope youlll hear those loola-lutes  
And hear the hoots of hooty-toots!  
But go with care. To be a pie  
Is better than to meet the Eye!  
The Eye is mean. The Eye is red.  
He rules nine Riders. They are dead.  
Theylll try to make you dead, as well.  
But will they catch you? Time will tell!  
FRODO:  
Oh, dear! Oh, dear! This is a mess!  
Welll have to fix this mess, I guess.  
So we will go, just Sam and me.  
And what will happen? We will see!  
(Fade)  
MERRY  
Frodo, friend what was that?  
It had a hood and not a hat!  
It was dark. It was tall.  
I don't like it much at all!  
FRODO  
I cannot tell you now, you see.  
Maybe on the road to Bree  
PIPPIN  
Frodo, I am so hungryyyyy!  
SAM:  
Oh dear oh dear.  
This is just what I fear.  
I think that I am such a dope  
because that I forgot the rope!  
(all other Hobbits hit their hands against their forehead)  
PIPPIN  
Hurry, hurry! Us they see!  
They see us on the way to Bree!  
You'll be dead like them as well!  
They can't see us, but they smell  
FRODO  
Yes they smell well.  
They smell well and you can tell!  
SAM:  
Run, run! He's catching up!  
Run! Before you are ketchup!  
MERRY:  
Hurry to the Brandywine  
hurry and you will be fine!  
FRODO  
Oh dear, mercy me!  
PIPPIN  
Hurry Frodo! I'm hungry!  
(FRODO runs to the pier and makes it onto the raft)  
MERRY, PIPPIN, SAM  
Frodo, Frodo, you alright?  
Are you alright here tonight?  
We must hurry! flee to Bree  
And rest in the Prancing Pony!  
SAM  
And meet a man that is there.  
He looks foul. He feels fair.  
He'll lead us all if all goes well,  
to meet the elves in Rivendell!  
Just as old Gandalf said.  
The one that wanted me, Sam, dead!  
FRODO  
I wonder what will happen next  
when we get rid of this bad hex! 


End file.
